Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
