Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
