I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
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Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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