Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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