I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
