you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
