i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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