Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
