If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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