I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
