Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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