Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
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I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
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