Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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