He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
