thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
