I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
