i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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