i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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