32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
