What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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