That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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