I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Text me some of your sweat
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
