Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
