She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
