I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
