we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
