omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
