so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
