I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
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Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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