doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
