I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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