I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
we're making bets on your personal life
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
