Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
