no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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