Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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