We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
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Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
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You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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