Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
