A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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