The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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