I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
