Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize