We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
