Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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