She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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