I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
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Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
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I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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