I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
