I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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