Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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