i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
