everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
