its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
