Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
