Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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