So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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