HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
