I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
