Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
