That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
