i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
