It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
