a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
and you fell through a lawn chair
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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