sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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