Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
