last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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