youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
