She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
