Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
