Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
