Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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