He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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