glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
