I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
