real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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