Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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